Everyone has a ‘thing’ in their past, whether it is a habit, a mistake or something stupid they said or did.. maybe even a regret, or a person in their life that is a culmination of all the afore mentioned. These sometimes miserable things slowly fade into your past,and stop being relived with brutal clarity..day after day with feelings of hollow dread, or sickening ‘God what have I done & WHY did I let me do it!??!Bad me Bad ME! WHAT was i thinking’ and other self-defeatest / kickin your own ass, thoughts… Well, they SHOULD fade, they are less in your dreams and on the tip of your tongue when you awaken every morning. you grow, you get over it, you move on, you resolve your feelings, and chalk it up as a learning experience or life lesson.. everyone was (or should have been) young and stupid..some of us more than others
Now..y’all know me.. I have passionate dislikes, some more severe OCD tics, but unless you are an abuser of children or animals or LORD FORBID you mess with my babies..noone gets to mess with my babies…. I don’t hate.. I don’t get the urge to.. I don’t have it in me to hate someone for petty reasons.. life is too short to be tainted by simple hate..have a beer lol
But when someone from the past won’t stay in the past.. what then? Someone was so heartlessly cruel and threatening, went out of their way to be hurtful, and cause pain, and cause potential legal issues..now wants to share their joys with you.. 3 years too late, a LIFETIME too late..Yet the goodness in my soul wants me to be positive, I feel annoyance, borderline awe at the audacity, frustration, Panic & mystification.. and why the hell did they NOT ditch my #.. I ditched theirs.. Were they counting on the fact I would always be there for them. and if so.. what kind of person does that make ME? Is it any wonder why I haven’t put myself into dating, over being a single mom with kids? and WHY DO I care that they called.. because I pity them because it is expected for me to forgive? They undoubtedly chased off anyone who cared about them with their attitude leaving just me, an ex to pat them on the head & say ‘there there’ well.. No.. just No..
I may be fatter than I EVER have been in my life.. but I am not puking or panicked, I know i need to lose weight, be more active, but i don’t feel that people HATE me because I am fat.. and if they do.. fuck ‘em.. I have better people I know, and I know love me, appreciate me, miss me, and more importantly, treat me well. and THEY are good people.. DAMN good people.. and my Children, the reasons my heart beats, my ONLY job in life is to give them a better life. I cannot be more proud of who they have become. Ok, I will not gush on and on about my daughter singing a touching solo in a Talent show at a Jr High, and her remarkable self confidence, and beauty.. and my son’s levelheaded thoughts, and ‘make sense in a world that is ridiculous’ intelligence, and his unfailing finickiness when it comes to friends & who he will be around. Gawd they do me proud..
anyhow.. this is a RANT.. and classified as such.. have a good morning
Morlock said,
July 26, 2008 @ 4:47 am
If you’d like, I’ll go down and soil some trowsers. Please, can I? I’ve been so
bored since they revokrd my security clearance. This sitting up here in canyon
country shooting wildlife just isn’t doing it anymore. there ain’t a possum within
5 miles of Beneda Ln!. I didn’t spend all those nights up above you’re backyard,
freezing my Ass off with a scope and a 30/30 just to bag one lousy housecat!
(Again, please convey my apologies to your neighbor, I had been smoking
some thai stick and took one of the CIA approved purple pills (stimulant my ass
! I will still swear to this day that tabby was a Rainbow Brite(tm) unicorn with
fangs). I’m sorry, it just seemed like a threat at the time. Just like the… neve
mind, that was expunged from the criminal record.
What you need to do is call me, and come drinking with me. Most of the drama
that I am surrounded with these days is compleely superficial. and is good
fodder for cruel, hurtful, laughter.
Anyway, call me, I’m bored’
Love,
(if you don’t know who this is, you REALLY need to slim down you’re friends list)
Manda said,
July 26, 2008 @ 10:36 am
I agree whole heartedly.. its unfair for him to take advantage of you like that… go years with mistreating you and then rubs stuff in ur face. SOOO not cool. Bad Him, Bad Him!
I am so proud of you! You have taken control over your past… I see the change in you. You are a much stronger person than you think! I heart u! =D
Becky Martinez-Goyette said,
July 26, 2008 @ 1:57 pm
I’m hoping who I think called you didn’t!!!! Look how far you have come without him…I may be married now but remember, I was a single mom too…for 6 years…I wish I would have used that time better…but good will come to us again…I hope
~ If it is…just let all the bad times fuel the fire within to have the strength to tell him to f&*^ off! Since I have not bought music since the 90’s, I put all of my “old school” music on my mp3 player and all of the songs remind me of old boyfriends…maybe if I was younger and had no kids, I might have the erge to contact some of them…thankfully, for my own good, at this point in my life I can’t.
You are a great mom to two great kids…they are good people because of how hard you have worked and the love you give them.
It will never matter to any of your friends how much you weigh…and the people who give you shit about it are shit themselves, and probably not very happy with their lives anyway!!
I’m not 1/2 as good of a writer as you, so this is it…talk to you later…miss you…
Katie said,
July 27, 2008 @ 12:04 pm
You sent out an e-mail about this post, saying ‘we (friends) never comment’. I DO TOO!!! lol.
Yes, the individual discussed in this rant is a totally awful person. I am really glad that you are so strong about it, and know that it’s in the past, and shouls stay there. He is trying to further torture you. UGH.
Sharon said,
July 28, 2008 @ 7:16 pm
Just keep kicking some ass girl, I still love ya!